dear God-avenged sevenfold

Dear God

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Hope is hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
And where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Hope is hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

hehehehheehe....for this past few weeks...i havent been soooooooooooo happy...enuf trouble for 3 weeks...time for my love...FOOTBALL...!!!hahahaahaha...okla...its the THING i love the most...not SOMEONE...hahahahhaa....
i scored 6 goals...5 assists...and few numbers of nice plays...i was damn happy..!!never been like this for about a month...screw and f*ck all the problems...i wanna play..i wanna run...i wanna feel the touch of the football...hehehehehe....

but i realize smthg...hehehe...i guess i better stop smoking...i lost my stamina quite fast...after 4 mini games i was already exhausted...hahahaha...i used to play 5 mini games of 7 mins nonstop...and not drinking...im not showing off,ok...just telling how decreased my great stamina...hahahaha...but it was good...the game i mean...hehehehe...
gotta stop filling my lungs with CO like chem teacher said that CO can replace oxygen in haemoglobin...hahhaahahha....

im tired...my hip is nagging to rest...my legs dont wanna walk...but im damn freaking happy...hahahahaha.....


SCREW AND F*CK THE PROBLEMS...WHEN I COME TO THE FIELD...I WANNA TAKE ALL YOUR BREATHS AWAY...hahahahaha...

how can i say it better...?coz those 3 words are the best way to say it...
i am selfish...even sometimes i cant control my emotion...i cant stop you from thinking negatively about me...but only those 3 words are left for me to say to you...
there is no point of being sorry, coz i have said it...and whatever the consequences will be given..i'll take it...
everything that i did...bad and good...every thought you may be thinking about me right now...and the fact that you hear these words too much...i cant stop telling you...



'I LOVE YOU'

i dunno how to start this post...too many things i wanna let out in this post...but i guess those who will read this will say,'aiya...this topic again..'
so sorry..but this is the only place i can let everything out...besides talking to my frens...actually, the closest fren of mine here wont want to listen, he had enuf, i guess...my other BBFs arent here..they are in indonesia...cant talk to them...need a so-called-reunion session...

anyways...one of my fren told me that when im wif my crush or love if i reach that state, i shouldnt show her i am strong..i need to be seen weak once in a while...he said,'dont show her that you are strong...that you can move on very fast when she leaves you...show her you can die when shes gone...'
it made me think...if i did that, will the girl i love love me back...?or she'll just stay for the sake of keeping me alive...will you be able to be wif someone you love but forced to love you like that...?i dont want smthg like that...i want her to love me for who i am..not someone who stays just for 'keeping' me alive...if she does that, i guess she better leaves...or i leave...whichever is more likely to happen...coz if she stays, she'll just step on my pride...and i do have pride...but i do know some guys who 'threaten' their GF like that...or smtms their ex-GF if they dont want them to leave...

i guess the main point of me writing this down is that i cant keep me to myself anymore...(from now it will appear that i am talking to someone)...i know i said it once...that it appears that you keep hurting me for not hurting him...i got it...i understand...im happy enuf...coz you said you love me...

but, let me tell you what i see from my point of view clearer...you said you are jealous when i talk to other girls...i do talk to them but I DO NOT FLIRT...I LOVE YOU...and you keep saying,'what can i do? it hurts but i have to hold it.'I LOVE YOU, hurting you wont show my love to you...what for i hurt someone i love....?so i reduced my talkings to other girls...BUT, dont you know...you kinda do the same...my heart is aching...you keep telling me to move on since im hurt...it just hurts me more...i told you, let me suffer with you...

and then...you said our time isnt enuf...we didnt talk like we used to...and you want to spend more time with me...believe me, I WANT THE SAME too...i try to talk to you more...but everytime theres always someone else whos talking to you first...and when im goin to talk to you, you somehow 'get away'...and you said we should stay back everyday...coz i disappear after coll...i stay back, honey...you are the one who straight away goes back...everytime i ask you to talk after coll...you again manage to 'get away'...when i dont talk to you, you say im angry...that im leaving you...i keep quiet DOES NOT MEAN I AM ANGRY...

we dont talk face to face often these days...so i make this post like we are talking face to face if you are reading this...i am not angry...just wanna say it out like our usual great talk...

its unbelievable...its just unbelievable...what you are doing rite now...i am stunned...dunno what to say...i am not angry...i just cant believe this thing that is going on...its just unbelievable...

this one also i said it once...but the thing is...it keeps making me doubt you...or rather should i say, you keep making me doubt you...and i am fighting for us all by myself...i realized, when you are down or alone, most of the time i'll be there for you...without you asking me i'll be there...but when i am down or alone...i need to find time to talk to you...smtms you are just dont know or dont feel that smthg is up...

i know i shouldnt be and am not saying this...its like hinting you...which is i know you dont like...but i dont wanna tell you...coz i want you to realize and understand my condition yourself...i dont like to force you...but you seem not realizing it...i need to tell you then you start to move...i hope you realize it someday.....

ok...i wanna say few inappropriate things to say here...

to the guy i dont like : first of all, you are a disgrace to male population...i know you have problems...BUT YOU ARE A MAN...YOU HAVE P*N*S...you should be able to think rationally...and learn to face the truth..may be i dont know how you feel bout some problems..but most of it, believe it, i've been through it..worse...and i am still here...living and never ever thought of cutting my artery...or hanging myself...be stronger...u are not the only one with problems...though some of your problem is worse...BUT YOU ARE A MAN...be strong..!!!!and say you dont like me too...dont tell me im a gud guy in front of me...but say i am a bad guy behind my back...just tell me you dont like me...

to ppl who think they know everything : think back..i got my reasons for being like this...but i guess i got no right to say it...i guess you can think what you wanna think bout me..im used to it...but i hope when you all know the truth, you have courage to talk to me...

to the GIRL I LOVE A.K.A HONEY : I LOVE YOU...but after you read this post, i wont stop you from hating me...you have the right to hate me...to be angry...but please, when you think of leaving me or letting me go...think back...you really want me to go away and leave, put you in more sadness and misery...?I LOVE YOU...

fuh...i just said it here...maybe when i am really gone, she'll be happy...or maybe when i am really gone, she'll realize how much we mean for each other...

cant cry coz not sad nor angry...just feeling like saying it...its raining while im tying this...guess sky is crying for me instead of myself cry for me...but again, its just an assumption...and its full of flaws...

cant cry...instead having myself laughing...and i am facing another boring weekend i guess...i think im gonna lament over my life this weekend...

hmm...God...please make sky cry tomorrow...for i will cry with the sky...
i guess it will be damn nice to have my face covered by sky's tears along with my own...will it not...?

i guess theres too many thing in my way...i dont know what to do, either...im so sorry...
i'll find a way...maybe now you will stay put...never mind...for now let me do the things ok.. =)
i love you...i'll never stop loving you...i am just a lil bit tired...but i'll get back on track...okok...?dont worry... =)
we cant continue like this, can we...?it wont do any good for any of us...so for now, i'll 'rest'...i wont change..dont worry... =)
its just loving you like this is very tiring...but i wont stop, just resting for a while and i'll continue loving you... =)
like when i play football...i get tired...i rest...eventually i'll continue to play...coz i love football...dont get me wrong...im not comparing you and football(i cant do that, rite... =D)...just to tell you that i love you...=)

i still remember that day
when you came to my life
couldnt take my eyes away
from you, who was so beauty

and so, i tried to find out
find out who you are
many months have been brought
you were all mine

but, was i really in your heart...?
you tended to never see me around you
or was i not good enough for you...?

when i said that i love you
it was pure, the love that i meant
i didnt care what they say about you
it was pure, the love that i meant
then i knew, it was only illusion
but every time you hurt me
in the end, i hurt you more than anything
i found, loved, hurt and lost you

we had good times together
things went quite well
but separated, we were
everytime my heart just swelled

you were my longest waiting
yet you didnt stay that long
but for sure i know one thing
that you were once in my heart

but, was i really in your heart...?
you tended to never see me around you
or was i not good enough for you...?

when i said that i love you
it was pure, the love that i meant
i didnt care what they say about you
it was pure, the love that i meant
then i knew, it was only illusion
but every time you hurt me
in the end, i hurt you more than anything
i found, loved, hurt and lost you

forgive me for leaving you all alone
it was all the best for us, in my mind
never knew what you were going through
i was too selfish to care about you

and when i wish to care, it was already too late
we werent meant for each other nor for do or die

when i said that i love you
it was pure, the love that i meant
i didnt care what they say about you
it was pure, the love that i meant
then i knew, it was only illusion
but every time you hurt me
in the end, i hurt you more than anything
i found, loved, hurt and lost you

i found, loved, hurt and lost you

i found, loved, hurt and lost you

i found, loved, hurt and lost you

it was too late, i know, but i just wanna apologize

i found, loved, hurt and lost you...