i dont want to see you sad...dont want to see you cry...dont wanna lose you...dont wanna see you leave...i love you...

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remember when i posted about my best friends...?well, maybe i didnt mention the are my best friends..but they are...

who am i kidding rite now...?im falling for someone...who i never even go for a date with...hahaahaha..its just so scary when i try to talk to her...what if she doesnt feel comfortable...?what if she doesnt give good responds...??hahahaha...what if i have fucked up the whole day of our first ever day out although it was with some friends...?hahaha..

in times like this...i miss them the most...i cant be calm...i cant chill...i cant relax...but i remembered...i havent heard his voice for months...yes, i met one of my best friends in singapore couple of weeks a go...

we talked..and think...no matter how far we go...how long we dont meet...how bad our lives are gonna be...how bad our relationships are...we will always come back to one same place...our friends...

i can bet that i am one of so many few people in this world who have 16 years old friendship...i have known dennis for like i was 3...so it makes 16 years old...i have known adit, marco and robby for over 10 years...13 perhaps...

so know them for so long...so close...we let down each other...we bring up each other...EVERY SINGLE TIME...

yeah...dont say that childhood friends and true friends do not exist...if you say so, i have those kind of friends...

they are me, i am them...without even say anything, we already know whats inside our heads...we are just too awesome...

NOW..beat the if you can...many of people think they know me...some who already i added to my list of best friends...for those who think they know me...think back...

none of you can compare them...they are just too good to be true...but even if people say things that are too good are not even actually good...these guys i have right now...oh damn they are so true...

i dont like when people say they are my best friends...well, you are my friends..you are close friends to me...but, i already have my sworn brothers to the day our breaths leave us....

Who said being a goalkeeper is fun..?that you dont need to run and waste your breath...personally,i think keeper is the hardest position...sure,the most important is both regista and fantasista...the playmaker and the gamemaker...well those are same,except that fantasista is the one who takes your breath when regista has to know how to use a fantasista...

But,being a keeper...you have to have strongest mentality...are not afraid of anything...and the last defence...you have to shout,give orders to your defenders..and jump,fly is necessary to save your goal post...being a field player,you are gonna be tired...being a keeper,you are gonna be exhausted...not much people wanna be goalkeepers coz they prefer scoring goals...but hei..!if you dont defence well,you'll lose...

I play keeper again now..and its the most fun position...you are the director from.behind...you provide safety to your teammates...and it takes my breath whe..i play keeper and so can i take yours when play...

You can win a match with good offensive force...but you can win everything if you have unbreakable defensive line...

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they really look alike...when she nodds,she really looks like that girl...i dont have the courage...to ask for her number...damn...what has it taken from me...??not even one bit of courage to ask...what on earth is going on with me...???

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note : this is me talking to other me

me 1 : they look alike..
me 2 : no they dont..
me 1 : yes they do...the eyes are the same...almost the same smile..
me 2 : yeah, but she is not her..
me 3 : they may look alike..but you take a good look again and you'll notice...they have nothing in common...
me 2 : yeah, exactly...so you can go after her without any problem...
me 3 : and who knows..you are gonna end up better and better...
me 1 : but, if i chase her..and thinking about the past..with the thoughts of they look alike..its wrong..
me 3 : yeah, it is..but remember..we dont think they do look alike...
me 1 : but..
me 2 : aih..to many buts in your head...
me 1 : i am you..
me 2 : yeah...but come on...summon your courage and go for her...
me 3 : yeah..dont make yourself wait too long...
me 2 : take your time though...and everything will be alright...
me 1 : well then..maybe you are correct...
me 2 & 3 : and remember...they dont look alike..at all...

hate is a strong word...but i really really really DO HATE YOU...

after a complete emo post...well.lets move to another post...hatred perhaps...??hahaha...we composed a song full of hatred last year...yeah...the song is fantastic...just the screamo is too little...hahaha...and..i wrote lyrics bout hatred again...hahaha...it was kinda hard to write it...

well...hatred...isnt a bad thing...of course,hate is a strong word...but, hate someone with passion...if you really dont like someone...just hate...i hate one person...and its a he...hahaha...

dont hold your hatred...not good for your health...hahahaha...so, just let it out..hate..hate...and hate...but hate with right steps...hahaha...

dont hold yourself to hate...just let your hatred out...

i have no idea what is the point of this post...haha...well, i guess i just like to type...i think this one could be a long post...nyeh..

yeah...not much of people reading this blog anymore...so i had no reason to put it private..i want my blog to be read anyways...

well..my blog is full of the stories of my love life..tragic..sad...full of drama...what else...?insane...?hahaha...maybe not...

ok..i read a book..its by an indonesian author..he is a comedian in his previous books..the latest, he put his love stories in funny way...one chapter was about unrequited love...
as quoted from the book : nothing takes out the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love...taken from a story of charlie brown according to the author...

so yeah, i believe everyone has their own unrequited love...

and i have one...i dont know whether i will call her my unrequited love or not...we were in love...she couldnt make up her mind...in the end, she chose someone who was her own ex...

it is hard...to lose the girl you truly love...it is hard to watch her love fading away...it is hard to see her with someone other than yourself...i thought my love stories arent the worst...seeing my friends going through these kind of stuffs...but then, yeah...i have the worst in the end...hahahaha...

i know she appreciates everything i have done...yeah, i know...
some just dont like i get my happiness...some...just stand in my way...i lifted myself over and over again...but it seems, theres no end in this...

im losing my way...i cant hope anymore...may be for this mean time...
i'll be on my way soon though, i know it...

my whole life, almost 19 years...been put through some tragic scenes...
im trying to make my life priceless...a life than even the happiest man on earth will envy me...its just hard...

the only girl i love is happy with someone...
well, yeah...at least shes smiling rite now...

theres only one thing...repeat one thing, that can beat the feeling of watching your loved one smiling...and that is, you know and you witness...that the one who actually makes her laughing, smiling and having no burden is you yourself...nothing beats that feeling, when you know she is smiling because you make her to...you are the one...

i felt that...and its just..aah..cant explain that in words...

i sat on a shore of a lake few days back...it was around 4 a.m...and the moon was bright...and i thought...i love her...

and she doesnt...not anymore...

i dont point finger on people...other than myself...

its just hard...

knowing shes happy without me...living her life happily without me...
knowing that its almost impossible for her to love me back...knowing that fate doesnt allow we be together...

hard...hard...and hard...
i envy my dad...to get the woman he loves...and that woman loves him too...
i envy my dad for getting my mom...

i dont know...is it wrong to love her...?or why fate doesnt put us together...?

i envy romeo and juliet..who got to be together although they are just fiction characters...and although they got together after they died...

aah...it wouldnt be called life if its not hard...

the good part...shes happy...shes smiling...though it hurts to watch it is not me who makes her happy...

no one will read this post though...not even her...there is no reason for her to read...

well...at least until now, im not being hypocrite...i let her go and happy when shes smiling...im doing that...

loving her was tiring...but i guess..for her..loving me is more tiring...and she couldnt love me more than she did...its not her fault...

being a scorpio...you will expect things beyond sanity...your pride is the highest among other zodiacs...you are the darkest...you are mean...you can be cruel...you are simple yet complex person...i salute girl who can love me...

and you like to avenge yourself...

my stories of life...especially my love stories...

they are hard ones...

beats all those drama movies...

girl...loving a psycho like me is tough...and you did it well...you are happy rite now...it is enough...

stay happy like you are rite now...and dont lose those eye bags...they make you pretty...=D